hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
