Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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