you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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