I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
