Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
