I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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