Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pants are for mortals
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
