remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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