hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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