she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
