My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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