i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
