Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
