you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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