so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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