TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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