And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize