New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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