I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
