I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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