it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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