I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
