My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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