I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
