I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
