Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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