ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
