Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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