nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
