the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
