im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
