He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
