508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Two words: blizzard sex
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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