I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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