When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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