Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
