Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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