I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
