I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Screwed.edu
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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