well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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