there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wear drunk well.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
