Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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