Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
