I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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