I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
