I'm eating all of the evidence.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
