dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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