9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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