so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
