I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
